Who believes relationships should be magic?
Who wants more intimacy and connection?
As mammals we are designed to desire connection, no matter how independent we want to think we are, our innate longing is connection.
We are coming up to Valentines day, how is everyone feeling?
Excited / Nervous / Anticipation / Don’t really care / It’s not for me ?
One of the biggest questions is why is our expression of love limited to only 1 day… why isn’t Valentines day everyday?
How would your life be if you lived every day as Valentines day?
Ask yourself the following about your relationship.
How is my relationship, out of a score of 1 to 10 – only you will know… 1 being non existent and 10 being over the moon.
Firstly with yourself, our primary relationship?
With your partner / Lover?
With your family and friends?
How would you like it to be? What would you change?
The definition of relationship is: the distance between two objects… does this surprise you?
How much distance is there between you and …. You, your lover, your friends?
Where is the magic?
What is magic to you? How does it feel? How do you know it?
Magic for me is feeling tingly, light and inspired with deep gratitude.
Are you wanting magic with no effort?
Tip No. 1 – SLOW DOWN!
I know you think this sounds boring, why would I want to slow down, I have so much to do, I am so busy, how could I slow down. Often we are busy being busy and we have forgotten the important things and people. When we slow down, we have more time because we are focused, flowing and in tune, our time is spent wisely and not just being busy for busy sake.
How do we slow down?
- Be present, bring our attention to ourselves.
- Breathe, begin deepening your breath, bringing your breath into your body, see if you can breathe into your belly and down to your pelvis. How quickly is your body changing, with only your breath.
- Notice, your body, what sensations are you aware of?
Take a few very deep breaths now and notice how you feel? What are the differences…
Tip No. 2 – Make an effort
Think about the last time one of your friends or relatives said “no” to your invitation, how many invitation rejections did it take before you stopped asking. Now I am not suggesting that you should do something that you don’t want to. I am suggesting maybe there needs to be a different conversation.
Imagine if it is this easy to disconnect with our friends and relatives, what is it like for your Partner, to always hear “I am too busy”, “not right now” and “I am not in the mood”, ALL the time.
Most of us write and read affirmations, if we are crystal lovers we put them out in the new and full moon for cleansing and recharging, if we have plants we water and nurture them and we listen to what they might need. Are you this attentive to your relationship?
What are some ways you can make an effort? Usually a small consistent action will make in roads to the connection and intimacy you desire. Here are some ideas.
How do you greet each other? From the other room or with eye contact or a passionate embrace.
How do you say goodbye when you leave?
Take note and see what you can change, try making eye contact, a full body hug, a passionate embrace, building the anticipation, mix it up and surprise each other.
What texts are you sending?
Pick up the milk, children, etc
A list of chores?
How about some texts about how you feel?
Can’t wait to see you?
When you get home I am going to do … this ….. and this… .
I get butterflies thinking of you mmmmm
The children are out, hurry home (wink).
When we think about sending sexy texts, it can be off putting thinking we need to sound like a porn star, where in actual fact speaking and telling of our feelings, connection and desires is arousing because it is real. The more we practice sharing the better and the more comfortable we get.
Clothing / Attire
Wearing clothes that make you feel good. I don’t need much of an excuse to dress up, play and have fun, sometimes I do it for a change of state as well, maybe I am not feeling tip top, I could be a little tired or lack lustre, when I put some of my favourite outfits on this changes, the fabrics, the colours, I begin to notice the sensations in my body, I become present and I have access to a range of feelings and possibilities.
Wearing clothing, non-clothing that makes you feel good, or alternatively wearing clothing that your partner really likes, creates space for that to happen. Do they like white see through blouses? Vests and hats? High heels? Maybe try wearing something that will bring happiness, anticipation and arousal to them.
Set up a special place for your relationship, where you can put pictures, affirmations, books, oils, etc so that you are creating the consciousness you are desiring for your relationship.
Your altar can be small or your whole boudoir, somewhere that you can hold those intentions for you both. It would be wonderful if you created it together and spent some time there cultivating and nurturing your connection and love.
Tip No. 3 – Gratitude
What are you focused on?
Are you focused on the things going wrong? The things your partner doesn’t do?
What we focus on, is what we get more of. Do you need to change your focus?
When things are going well, we can reach a ceiling, particularly in pleasure, money, love, when we don’t know how to embody this new feeling, energy, sensation so we can be destructive with it. Some of the destructive ways we deal with it is to:
- Look for faults in our partners, become nit picky
- Start worrying, creating stories on how things will go bad
- Kick our toes on the furniture (who has done this – how painful is it)
- We want to run away, this is not working I’m out, because we get closer in intimacy and we become scared and desire to flee.
My two are worry and running.
Now I can catch myself more easily, it has taken much practice and many years. When my head starts to worry or tell me stories to run away I can now trace back to the time of feeling good and embody it rather than go into overwhelm and disconnection.
Which one can you relate to?
In your gratitude journal, write 3-5 things about your partner you are grateful for every day and see what happens.
I would love to hear what changes you make and what the results are!
Award winning Myola Woods, is an Author, Certified Sexological Bodyworker, Somatic Sex Educator, International Intimacy & Relationship Coach.
Myola is a pioneer with courage who bravely speaks about the things that make most of us uncomfortable… Myola will gently lead you out of your comfort zone and into the zone of personal growth and higher self awareness.
Myola specialises in teaching individuals and couples the art of connection, creating and cultivating the choice of arousal, to deepen intimacy, sensation and pleasure … even if it has been a very long time!
As a Sexual being, mother of 4 teenagers and pleasure enthusiast, Myola appreciates the time constraints, daily and social pressures, that can play havoc on our erotic lives. Myola teaches ways to explore and enhance your love making in everyday life. Using techniques and practices that can turn you, and your life, ON.
Take your intimate life from ordinary to extraordinary! Have the orgasms you have read and dreamed about….. YOU deserve them!
So, if you have had enough of mediocre, ready for change and desiring intimacy, connection and arousal, STOP wishing and hoping and START Now! Contact Myola TODAY!. firstname.lastname@example.org 0423919270 www.eroticcoaching.com.au