man and woman in water connecting

Authentic Relating – Staying Connected when things get tough

Relationships are all smooth sailing – aren’t they…

Full of rosebuds, sun shining brightly, gentle breezes and rainbows

That is the fairy tale that we are brought up on, that we aspire to and what we believe in.  But like all things in life we generally do not learn and experience personal growth when only ever sailing in calm waters…

“A ship in harbour is safe — but that is not what ships are built for.” — John A. Shedd.

Relationships are made to bring out the best in us, to allow the best of us to shine, to be polishing each other, getting rid of what’s in the way of authentic love. Often our relationships are covered in and under lots of beliefs, thoughts, trauma, patterns and ways of being that may have not only come from you but those around you and society. We can drift along in relationships unconsciously and have it happen to us or we can move into more consciousness and love and create them.

If Relationships are going to bring out the best in us and they are not meant to always be plain sailing, how do we sail through the choppier waters and do so whilst staying in connection with each other.

What happens in your relationships when moments get tough?  We often think that Authenticity is the need to stand up for my rights, to say what I need to say, very staunch, very rigid and usually we want the other to bend to our will – that’s what we tell ourselves we want, often these ‘stances’ are from fear, from rejection, from holding back and wanting validation

When someone feels hurt, sad, angry or misunderstood what happens

  • Is there a Mexican stand off
  • Is there silence
  • Is there arguing
  • Are there an undercurrents of what is not spoken about
  • Are there conversations that are never ending about whom was right and wrong
  • Is there yelling
  • Are there a bunch of unexpressed expectations
  • Are there threats of leaving
  • Is there disconnection?

Does this way bring you closer or further away from each other?

Does it build or detract from your relating?

Does it bring you peace or stress?

Does it bring contraction or openness?

Does it create more love and connection?

NOT USUALLY!

Why do we do it then, we know it is not very effective and we continue to do it… Usually we are trying to protect ourselves, going into past habits, projecting stories of other times, possibly still hurting from old wounding, we are always trying to stay safe, sometimes our safety mechanisms are pushing people out, running away, being defensive and creating drama.

What if there was another way, possibly a way beyond words…

Would you be interested?

What if it means dropping your stories, becoming vulnerable, softening the places that you are hiding, holding and keeping from you and your partner?

As mammals we desire connection, we are wired for connection and we ultimately want to be and receive love, be seen and heard.

If we have had experiences that do not support this, often we hide, want to run away or we stand and fight. None of these behaviours brings more connection.

To have deeper connection with ourselves and those we interact with requires:

  • Vulnerability
  • Sharing
  • Listening
  • Love
  • Seeing and being seen.

Let’s try something different, are you ready?

The next time something happens in your relationship and you or they are having a tough moment.

STOP

  • Sit together comfortably
  • Look into each other’s eyes
  • Become aware of your own body and its sensations
  • See if you can gain awareness to the other persons emotions, feelings, state of being
  • Be with this for a little while, nothing to change, nothing to do
  • Noticing, feeling and being aware
  • Then consciously drop into your heart, and ask yourself “what would love do?”
  • Really feel that in your own bodyAsk yourself…
  • What story do I need to let go of?
  • Where do I need to soften?
  • Where can I be vulnerable?
  • If I was showing up for love… how would I be?
  • What do I need to show?
  • What do I need to see?Then without words…
  • With your eyes, body language, energy and touch if that is agreed upon let the other person know
  • Sit in that space for some time and let the bodies soften together, heal and communicate in their language.
  • Once you feel complete (you will know) thank each other and be in that connect space together.

From a connected space, deep intimacy can happen, deep love, give it a go, I would love and appreciate your feedback, what happened? how would you describe the experience? send me an email Myola@eroticcoaching.com.au

Award winning Myola Woods, is an Author, Certified Sexological Bodyworker, Somatic Sex Educator, International Intimacy & Relationship Coach.

Myola is a pioneer with courage who bravely speaks about the things that make most of us uncomfortable… Myola will gently lead you out of your comfort zone and into the zone of personal growth and higher self awareness.

Myola specialises in teaching individuals and couples the art of connection, creating and cultivating the choice of arousal, to deepen intimacy, sensation and pleasure … even if it has been a very long time!

As a Sexual being, mother of 4 teenagers and pleasure enthusiast, Myola appreciates the time constraints, daily and social pressures, that can play havoc on our erotic lives. Myola teaches ways to explore and enhance your love making in everyday life. Using techniques and practices that can turn you, and your life, ON.

Take your intimate life from ordinary to extraordinary! Have the orgasms you have read and dreamed about….. YOU deserve them!

So, if you have had enough of mediocre, ready for change and desiring intimacy, connection and arousal, STOP wishing and hoping and START Now! Contact Myola TODAY!. myola@eroticcoaching.com.au 0423919270 www.eroticcoaching.com.au

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