programmed and stuck

Is your sex programmed? The art and subtlety of sex

We all know that we are pretty much programmed; what we watch, what we listen to, what we choose to eat, the events that we attend, friends we hang out with.  We are obsessed with what is the latest craze, buzz and if we are not in it we have FOMO (Fear of Missing Out).

Due to this programming we are able to go through life without questioning anything, doing the same thing the same way over and over again.

Is there anything wrong with this?

Let’s take right and wrong out of the equation…

Let’s ask a better question

What if you changed and challenged your NORM?

What if you tried something different, changed your habits? Some of our habits work wonderfully for us, for example we don’t want to give up bathing regularly but we may be able to shift up some of our habits up a little.

Change simple things

  • Change the way you drive / walk to work
  • Try a different workout in the gym
  • Brush your teeth with your other hand
  • Get your coffee from different cafes
  • Wear the other clothes in your wardrobe – you know the ones (we tend to wear the same small sample of clothes all the time)

Is your heart beating faster, just by reading this?

Our habits are created by repeating the same actions over and over again, once ingrained we tend to stick to those and only those. Why?

  • We know what we are going to get
  • We know it well, intimately
  • It’s comfortable.

If we go the same way to work everyday, have the same coffee, eat the same food – these habits create comfort in our daily routines, you know what to expect (within reason), you are going to have the same experience.

What if… (Now this may or may not have happened to me)

  • Someone comes along and changes the coffee (heaven forbid)
  • There is a detour on your way to work
  • Your lucky shirt is in the wash

How is your response? Do you get

  • Upset and cranky
  • You are ‘off’ for the whole day
  • Distracted
  • Uncomfortable
  • Anxious

Does it turn your day upside down? One small change in the daily norm – how do you react?

Now the BIG question?

How does this relate to sex? Because

Everything relates to sex and sex is related to everything!

If we do sex like we do the rest of our lives it is usually habitual, narrow and we get flustered if something / someone gets in the way of our one way to be aroused, feel pleasure and have the ultimate orgasm peak.

How is that bad I hear you say?

It is not bad at all (removing judgement), it is wonderful to know ourselves well enough that we can get ourselves off easily.

And

What happens when you do the same thing over and over…

It is so ingrained it happens automatically and becomes unconscious. Often it loses its appeal and sensitivity and is no longer a challenge for the body, it doesn’t have to adapt to any new stimulus. The body and mind are no longer creating new pleasure pathways. If we want a more expansive outcome we need to change something, go deeper into it, change the position or add something to it.

If we are at the gym, finding squats difficult at first, to master them we need to change something so the body will adapt, make new muscle memory. We can change the position we are in, the way our feet are, add weight, do correct form in order for the body to be challenged and adapt to the new stimulus. The body is amazing and will keep changing and adapting if we keep giving it new experiences.

I don’t think anyone ever mentioned before about building pleasure muscles / pathways or learning how to build arousal, hold it and not just ‘bang it out’. When we build many pleasure pathways, the body has more options to pleasure and potential orgasmicness.

We can choose to take the

SCENIC ROUTE, have plenty of time, stopping at lookouts, enjoying the view, having a picnic, taking in the surroundings

EXPRESS WAY, Intense, fast, most effective route possible

MIX IT UP, Do some of both, a little scenery, la ittle express and maybe you take turns in driving

VARIETY in our lives creates fulfillment over the long term, Keeping it fresh, following what else could be pleasurable what else can I / we explore.

You might be someone that thrives in habits and planning, if so you can lay the foundations of lovemaking and have a general idea of how you will get there with an outline of what the boundaries and timeframes are, the rest will happen naturally – if we allow it, if we allow ourselves to break out of our norms.

Ways to Explore, Mix it up and add Variety

  • Notice what your habits are:
    • Do you have your standard one move
    • Do you only use the tips of your fingers
    • Do you only allow a certain amount of pleasure.
  • Use different parts of your hands on the body and genitals
    • Try using your whole hand, if you only use the tips and vice versa
    • Try different touch pressure, firmer or softer.
  • Slow down, when we have fast action we can override the feelings and sensations taking away our ability to savour, try enjoying every millimetre of your skin, body and genitals. When we slow down our touch, movement, pace it increases our ability to be present, feel, acknowledge, integrate, give feedback (both verbal and non verbal).
  • Breathe, it is something we take for granted, you can use your breath to slow arousal down or speed it up. When we connect with our breath, we stay in the moment, noticing us and our surroundings.
  • Stay present with the sensations in your body, this will be clues to what you like in this moment.
    • Don’t let your mind distract you with fantasy, thoughts. Use your mind to be creative for you ask:
      • “How could this be better”
      • “What would happen if I touched, moved, breathed… this way or that way?”
      • ‘If I was curious, what could happen next”

Moving out of our habits is risky, wouldn’t you agree? How will change affect me, Will I like it?

It is true moving out of our habits is risky yet staying in them might kill us, if only from boredom.

It takes willingness, courage, vulnerability, openness, curiousity to move out of our programmed state. You can start one moment at a time, you can start with changing the way you brush your teeth, being slow when you touch you and your lover, becoming aware of your breath before you engage in activity.

Little actions make big changes, start small  and this will reduce the risk and then keep adding and changing and before you know it this is your new state of being.

UNPROGRAMMED and CURIOUS! (Yes, that could be on a shirt).

Award winning Myola Woods, is an Author, Certified Sexological Bodyworker, Somatic Sex Educator, International Intimacy Coach.

Myola is a pioneer with courage who bravely speaks about the things that make most of us uncomfortable… Myola will gently lead you out of your comfort zone and into the zone of personal growth and higher self awareness.

Myola specialises in teaching individuals and couples the art of connection, creating and cultivating the choice of arousal, to deepen intimacy, sensation and pleasure … even if it has been a very long time!

As a Sexual being, mother of 4 teenagers and pleasure enthusiast, Myola appreciates the time constraints, daily and social pressures, that can play havoc on our erotic lives. Myola teaches ways to explore and enhance your love making in everyday life. Using techniques and practices that can turn you, and your life, ON.

Take your intimate life from ordinary to extraordinary! Have the orgasms you have read and dreamed about….. YOU deserve them!

So, if you have had enough of mediocre, ready for change and desiring intimacy, connection and arousal, STOP wishing and hoping and START Now! Contact Myola TODAY!. myola@eroticcoaching.com.au 0423919270 www.eroticcoaching.com.au

Published by

5 thoughts on “Is your sex programmed? The art and subtlety of sex

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *