I thought this was a joke, I was chatting with a friend and discussing addictions to phones, devices etc and my friend said ‘I bet they are looking at them during sex’ and as you do in these situations… you ask google and I did, google had pages of information, with Surveys, facts and figures on people checking their phones during sex – I was lost for words.
Then I put a post in a FaceBook group because… I couldn’t believe this was true or possible! To my astonishment, people started to share stories of them, their friends and partners my favorite in a really bad way was, “My friend was texting me and another friend when the person she was seeing was busy ‘down there’ and yes I asked ‘was she giving a blow by blow or organizing their next outing’” and horrifyingly it was the latter, how would you be, intent on giving someone pleasure to look up and find them on their phones? What would you do?
Is this you have you done this? Has this happened to you?
How did we get here?
24 hour availability
In times gone by we only had land lines not available each moment for everyone, we clocked off work and they would have had to ring us at home, unless it was an extreme emergency they would wait until the morning.
In our society with many FB friends and followers that we are craving actual connection and craving it so much that we look at our phones when we are stopped at the traffic lights because we are sooooo desperate for connection. Desperate enough to cause an accident, take our eyes off the road and not know what is going on around us. Have you been guilty of this?
FOMO (Fear of Missing Out)
We are ingrained that we must keep up with, if I don’t answer now or know what the next best tweet, post or hang out in the best places, who am I, I don’t want to miss out, be the only one left out.
We have forgotten about the people we are with? The people close to us?
I love my digital devices, technology and am known for a binge on Netflix as good as anyone, I also make sure that when I am with people close to me, that I am with them.
I am selfish, when I am being intimate with someone them checking their phone is not something I want. People ringing me they can wait, nobody wants to speak to me (expect who I am with) when I am in that space.
Why do we distract ourselves from pleasure?
Not deserving, Not a priority?
When it comes to our pleasure do we think that it is frivolous, so everyone is more important, our pleasure can wait. We must work hard, keep busy often our pleasure is not our priority. I invite you to ask yourself the question one of my teachers would ask, ‘How much pleasure are you willing to receive?’ You might be surprised at the answer because there is an infinite supply.
Do we not know what to say?
If you miss the call or if it is an ‘emergency’ how would it be if I was having an ecstatic orgasm and there was an emergency, essentially the emergency will still be there and unless you are the paramedics going at it in the closet there is possibly not much you are going to change if you wait.
It is ok to say I missed your call, I am returning your call without feeling guilty.
Are we all still teenagers afraid of being caught in an intimate engagement, we live in a world that shows violence on the news, anyone who remembers the Saturday morning cartoons of Tom & Jerry etc would remember they were extremely violent, animated yes but still violence, we never see two people in deep, connected beautiful lovemaking ever! It could be taken that society would like us to focus on violence and disconnection and not exclaim, announce, be proud of pleasure, intimacy, deep connection and love making.
Fear of Intimacy
We have never been educated in relationships, sex, intimacy and vulnerability is often shunned and seen as a weakness, when we are intimate with someone, there is the potential for a deepening of connection, intimacy and being seen in vulnerable states, not only your body, your heart, and let’s not mention your orgasm face (have you seen it). In relationships we often use distractions to keep us from getting to close, revealing to much of ourselves, they keep us safe, not connected, not living a high vibe life but safe. Maybe we can learn to be safe at higher levels of connection and intimacy.
If you are keen to check your phone during sex, you might like to ask yourself these questions?
- Why do I have sex?
- What is lacking here that I want to look outside?
- What if I resisted the urge to be distracted and be present? What would I notice?
- What am I really distracting myself from?
- Do I need new skills?
- Do I need some help in my intimate life?
- Do I need to seek a professional Sex Educator?
What do you do in the moment of the phone or device calling you so loudly, you can hardly concentrate on anything else?
If this happens, I invite you to take a breath and notice what is really going on for you, your partner and relationship? Being present in all our emotions, feelings and states is a practice, a commitment to oneself to be here now.
If you would like to know more on staying present in life and sex contact Myola here: email@example.com
Let US be the masters of our technology, NOT the other way around, when we are so easily distracted in our very precious intimate moments… Do you think it is time to reevaluate how we are using our devices and habits? And help create a culture of presence, connectedness and love with you and your Lovers.
Award winning Myola Woods, is an Author, Certified Sexological Bodyworker, Somatic Sex Educator, International Intimacy & Relationship Coach.
Myola is a pioneer with courage who bravely speaks about the things that make most of us uncomfortable… Myola will gently lead you out of your comfort zone and into the zone of personal growth and higher self awareness.
Myola specialises in teaching individuals and couples the art of connection, creating and cultivating the choice of arousal, to deepen intimacy, sensation and pleasure … even if it has been a very long time!
As a Sexual being, mother of 4 teenagers and pleasure enthusiast, Myola appreciates the time constraints, daily and social pressures, that can play havoc on our erotic lives. Myola teaches ways to explore and enhance your love making in everyday life. Using techniques and practices that can turn you, and your life, ON.
Take your intimate life from ordinary to extraordinary! Have the orgasms you have read and dreamed about….. YOU deserve them!
So, if you have had enough of mediocre, ready for change and desiring intimacy, connection and arousal, STOP wishing and hoping and START Now! Contact Myola TODAY!. firstname.lastname@example.org