Would you use the movies for driving education, imagine using Fast and Furious for your next drive to the shop, for all our sakes I am hoping you are saying:
Watching these movies is entertainment, an escape from reality yet in our intimate relations we desire the opposite, we are mammals we are designed for connection and touch. Where do we learn about intimacy, communication, sex and touch – usually from sources that are focused on dis-ease and dysfunction or entertainment.
The statement I often hear is “I am old enough to know this stuff!” if you have never looked into learning something – how would you expect to know it? Of course, in all things some people have a natural knack yet for the rest of us it is practice that makes the difference, builds the skills and knowledge, then it becomes natural and looks easeful.
What ways are there to learn sex and intimate education?
• Role models
• By experience – trial and error
• Seeking for ourselves – books / youtube
• Attending workshops / classes / programs
Who were your sexual role models?
Have you ever thought about it?
How did your parents display affection?
Was sex, pleasure and sensuality discussed?
Generally we don’t have quality role models in sexuality. It is only as I have grown and participated in learning through workshops and festivals that I have meet people I consider role models. Our society keeps us in a very narrow viewpoint of love-making, bodies, sexiness, connection, pleasure and orgasmicness and if we are not curious we can believe this is all there is.
Do you need to find some new role models?
By experience trial & error
We have watched a bit of porn, surely we know what we are doing, mostly we go along hoping we have “THE” spot and often we don’t know.
The amount of stories I hear in my role as a Somatic Sex Educator & Intimacy Coach show that trial and error without the elements of curiosity, play, feedback & mutual pleasure is someone fishing around in the dark trying, hoping that it will be ok.
Is this your method? “This one time I think this worked let me try it again but I just can’t find the same angle.”
Books, Youtube, online courses
Reading about sex, relationships, positions, and spots, watching the strokes wondering if you can make them work
Without practice, without action, it is still in your mind. In my mind I have the voice of an angel, in reality people hide when I begin to sing.
You can read, listen to all the books/videos/audios you like to learn a new language, how to cook or to play a new instrument but until you have actually begun to use it – this is when the knowledge moves from your head to your body.
All of these are great ways to begin, keep enhancing your skills in a non invasive and on your terms and comfortability, because if you get embarrassed only you will know (wink wink). The key here is to discover different ways of connection and love making, in order for us to be our fully expressed selves with as many means as possible.
Attending workshops / classes / programs
“Why would we want to be in a room with other people speaking of such things?”
Was school education a bad experience for you, my high school sex education was all about not getting pregnant and dis-ease. There was never any discussion on what might constitute love making, connection, and encouragement that playful exploration and discovering pleasure throughout the body was possible instead of instructions of “Don’t have sex”, Ridiculous! Imagine leaving only delicious sweet chocolate to eat and then saying “Don’t eat it” without any other possibilities? How long would you last?
Now I have 4 children who have been or are going through the school system and it does not appear much has changed. The focus is still on the biological, disease and no pregnancy. Sexuality, Sensuality, Intimacy, Connection is far greater than these options, no matter how old or young at heart you are there is always room for improvement, deeper levels of intimacy and connection and variety of skills to be felt and had.
What scares us about learning about sex? Is it a reminder of being at school or the awkward conversation with your parents or friends you had that you were uncomfortable with? Is it because we are just supposed to know? Or maybe it is because this topic is arousing – maybe I will be embarrassed?
We tend to only speak about sexuality to our partners or doctors (and sometimes not even then) or make jokes with our friends, we don’t have a context for speaking openly, clearly with someone a professional whose role it is to make discovering sexuality safe, comfortable and an engaging learning environment.
Once people have attended a workshop or become a client they realise I am very down to earth, I share enough to give the picture without TOO much, I use language that is correct anatomically with enough fun and laughter to ease the nerves, I give space for people to share at the level of their willingness, I deliver the skills and knowledge in a way that doesn’t feel like learning because we are curious in a safe environment and enjoying each others company.
Soon into a workshop you can feel the nerves shift, the guards come down, the moment we realise ‘Wow! I am not alone, other people don’t know this stuff’. It is liberating to find out how you can add to your bag of tricks, what adjustments and questions you might ask for honing your skills with your Lover which in turn means both of you are enjoying giving and receiving and I know this is an out there thought… when we enjoy it… we usually want MORE?
Shame is something lots of us carry, one of the ways to move through it, is in group environments, sharing (to any level) dispels the myths, stories, beliefs we have created in our own bodies and lives and gives FREEDOM to express ourselves authentically to us.
Whichever way you choose to learn, it is practice that is the key.
To find out about my upcoming workshops or programs click the link here Workshops and Events
Award winning Myola Woods, is an Author, Certified Sexological Bodyworker, Somatic Sex Educator, International Intimacy & Relationship Coach.
Myola is a pioneer with courage who bravely speaks about the things that make most of us uncomfortable… Myola will gently lead you out of your comfort zone and into the zone of personal growth and higher self awareness.
Myola specialises in teaching individuals and couples the art of connection, creating and cultivating the choice of arousal, to deepen intimacy, sensation and pleasure … even if it has been a very long time!
As a Sexual being, mother of 4 teenagers and pleasure enthusiast, Myola appreciates the time constraints, daily and social pressures, that can play havoc on our erotic lives. Myola teaches ways to explore and enhance your love making in everyday life. Using techniques and practices that can turn you, and your life, ON.
Take your intimate life from ordinary to extraordinary! Have the orgasms you have read and dreamed about….. YOU deserve them!
So, if you have had enough of mediocre, ready for change and desiring intimacy, connection and arousal, STOP wishing and hoping and START Now! Contact Myola TODAY!. firstname.lastname@example.org