Are you really gifting YOURSELF?
As we move away from Christmas and into Valentines Day… Who is the gift for? Do you like giving gifts? Do you think they are a waste of time? Why do you buy gifts?
Having a discussion last week over coffee we were discussing sex toys (as you do) and they suggested they would never buy someone a sex toy, they might buy some lingerie or something but definitely not a sex toy.
I was curious to how they saw this and asked a few questions and as we unraveled the details of what they would buy and wouldn’t, the following thoughts were uncovered.
Buying someone a sex toy is about their pleasure
They might like it more than me
I might be left out.
Buying lingerie I get to see, feel and be included.
I suggested they might be a tiny bit selfish here and I could see by their face that I had touched a nerve and with the response ‘Everyone is selfish’ in return, I knew there was something to uncover.
I then gave examples of when I do a), b), or c) I know there is a benefit of being helpful and my generosity of giving and that it is not a direct payoff for me.
When I give something I need to make sure that I am not over doing things, I have to check in and see if I am expecting something in return, see if I am whole-heartedly giving and not from a place of
- Feeling guilty
- Feeling obliged
- Feeling superior
- Feeling used.
Because when I have come from these spaces and energies, they have totally backfired on me and I have been left feeling hurt and lonely, I have learnt (mostly the hard way) about giving.
How do you check where you are coming from?
Does this happen to you?
Do you give too much or too little?
On the other hand when at times I have asked someone to wear something, do something for me, which is totally for me. I am not gifting them an item and then saying wear it – it is very clear that the gift is for me, if they choose to wear the item or do the task then they are gifting me!
This is not to say they don’t enjoy gifting, we all enjoy being received and we all thrive in clear, clean intentions and actions. What fun, curiousity and playfulness can come from interactions with no agendas or misaligned intentions.
When our thoughts and actions are murky it often disrupts the flow between people and it becomes confusing, “I thought you said this gift was for me but how come you have all these rules about how and where I can use it”. Gift giving without clear intention causes undercurrents in language, our emotions and relationships.
Have you ever considered who you are buying the gift for? What your intentions are?
How would it be to buy someone something that gifts to you? And state that upfront? Nerve wracking? Thrilling? Exciting? Fun?
Why not take a risk and see what happens!
I would love to hear your tales of giving and being gifted, message me and let me know.
Award winning Myola Woods, is an Author, Certified Sexological Bodyworker, Somatic Sex Educator, International Intimacy & Relationship Coach.
Myola is a pioneer with courage who bravely speaks about the things that make most of us uncomfortable… Myola will gently lead you out of your comfort zone and into the zone of personal growth and higher self awareness.
Myola specialises in teaching individuals and couples the art of connection, creating and cultivating the choice of arousal, to deepen intimacy, sensation and pleasure … even if it has been a very long time!
As a Sexual being, mother of 4 teenagers and pleasure enthusiast, Myola appreciates the time constraints, daily and social pressures, that can play havoc on our erotic lives. Myola teaches ways to explore and enhance your love making in everyday life. Using techniques and practices that can turn you, and your life, ON.
Take your intimate life from ordinary to extraordinary! Have the orgasms you have read and dreamed about….. YOU deserve them!
So, if you have had enough of mediocre, ready for change and desiring intimacy, connection and arousal, STOP wishing and hoping and START Now! Contact Myola TODAY!. firstname.lastname@example.org 0423919270 www.eroticcoaching.com.au